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My netbook is back, and I'm just trying to set everything up properly. It's a lovely little computer, and I am sure it's going to be fun to use. And while I miss my old notebook for sentimental reasons (when I got it, I was still living in Scarborough, it travelled to Wales and Oxford with me and it's just weird to think that it's gone for good), I think that this one is an adequate replacement. Smaller, lighter, faster. I didn't have to pay for the new screen I got, which is the best thing about it.

These days, I'm feeling better. Depression has lifted somewhat, and I feel as if I'm able to breathe. And while I am not closer to reaching my goals (new job etc.), my mood has stabilised and I'm happier. Things still aren't great, but I think I'm coping.

Next week, I'm off to London for the London film and comic con, and for some shopping and so on. I'm looking forward to seeing the slash gang and really cannot wait to see London again.

But I am not so sure what I want to do once I get to London. What should I see? Where should I go shopping?

My computer died on Friday, it seems. It wouldn't switch on any longer, and we opened it to see if there was anything we could do to save it. Unfortunately, we discovered that there was nothing we could do. I've still got the hard disk (which should still be OK) and the extra RAM we added some years ago, but that's it. After 4.5 years, my lovely notebook is beyond repair.

Right now, I'm using one of my father's notebooks, because he doesn't really use it much. It's very posh, so I don't really want to carry it around too much. I do own a new netbook, but dropped it some weeks ago and am still waiting for it to be returned to me.

I miss my thinkpad. It was a present from my parents, which I received after completing my MA dissertation. It travelled with me ever since, and was a good and reliable notebook.

I hope my netbook will be equally reliable (if I ever get it back). I guess I won't buy a new full-sized notebook in the near future if I can cope with just a netbook. I always wanted an apple notebook, so now might be the time to start saving money.

And I am sick and tired of being 'invisible'.
Last night, someone's bag hit in the face while I was bending down to put on my shoes.
That's not the only time that people have bumped into me etc. just because they were not aware that I was there. I hate this so much!

...but today proves that I am actually the reincarnation of Calamity Jane, at least if her nickname is anything to go by. This morning, my computer broke down completely. Nothing worked. The screen was black, the fan was running and that was it. It wouldn't switch off, either. I eventually removed the battery, and switched it off that way. Ten minutes later, it still did not want to boot.

I was very worried, but had to go to work, anyway. The laptop is working now, but I am afraid that it might be on its last legs. Scary stuff! I'm waiting to get my new netbook back (I fell and broke the screen several weeks ago), and then, the old laptop will not be under so much strain any longer.

As I was driving home from work, the top of my gear shift lever came off as I was changing gears. Argh!

Good thing number one:
I may be able to work for my other employer - one or two classes, perhaps. If I'm lucky. I'd still have to keep my other job, but the overall experience might improve. Fingers crossed!

Good thing number two:
I don't have to go to school until August now, which means that I can relax and spend some more time with nitaq and friends and family.

Good thing number 3:
I'm counting down the days until I can go to London. YAY!

Good thing number 4:
The tattoo seems to be healing.

I spent another weekend at school and for the first time, I wasn't all that happy with the training I received. I felt that we weren't treated like colleagues, but like students. This lead to us being asked to produce scene after scene, which was fun, but didn't really teach us how to do this kind of work with different sorts of groups. Sometimes, we got too much input (as in being told how to play a particular scene), but at the same time, we were all totally confused because we didn't get enough information. And at the very end, the tutor hinted at a really interesting method which we would all have loved to explore - but that was only mentioned in passing in the final minutes of the weekend. Hmpf.
Well, I guess I could just do the same lesson with a group (with a few alterations), but we don't want (and don't need) ready-made lesson plans, we need to understand how thngs work and how we can adapt things to suit different groups.
Oh well. I wasn't the only one who felt this way, and we've made sure that this trainer's next lesson with us goes more to our liking: she's going to teach us a bit about drama therapy in October, and asked if we had any specific wishes, which we had, of course. So now, she's going to send us some articles to read so that we know what to expect and she's going to introduce various techniques to us which we can use in our own work. Of course we're not therapists, which is why we asked her to tell us about things we can safely do. Should be better.

It's difficult to go back to work today, because it's hot, I'm tired and there's a difficult group to teach today. *sigh*
But I'm prepared and will try to be motivated and dazzle them with lots of activities and lots of variety. I hope it's going to work.

So far, I've managed to finish planning my lessons for today, tidied the boot of my car and made some phonecalls/sent some emails. Right now, I'm doing some washing and feel that I'm making good use of my morning.

I have to do some homework, and while I've managed to do most of it, I cannot decide which song I want to choose. It's homework for theatre school, and I really cannot make up my mind. So I've made a little poll - maybe you'd like to help me choose? I'd really appreciate it. There may be fantastic songs that I haven't even considered! It's for a workshop on how to create a character using 'found texts'. So far, I've got a monologue from 'Man of la Mancha', a piece of dialogue from 'Waiting for Godot', a piece of poetry by Blixa Bargeld and a postcard with headless jelly babies which says 'Where's your head at?' (ad for a nightclub in Oxford).

Poll #1421476 songs
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Which song should I pick?

RIP Farrah & Michael!

I was very shocked to hear about Michael Jackson's death on the radio this morning - missed the whole online drama last night.

What a day to get a tattoo.

It was quite a positive experience: I like the tattoo artist (whose girlfriend is one of the coaches at my thai-boxing club) and the studio, which has a very laid-back atmosphere. We spent the 4.5 hours talking, listenting to music and saying 'hi' to the other artists and customers who popped in to take a look.

We weren't sure how far we'd get, because I had no idea how I would react to the pain (I can be quite a sissy at times), but once he got started, I realised that it wasn't really all that bad. The tattoo artist told me that I was one of the toughest customers he's had, and happily carried on working until the tattoo was completed. Now, I am in some discomfort, of course, but hope that it's going to heal quickly.

So it seems that I'm not a sissy, after all.

I'm tougher than I look, apparently.
Just had my tattoo done - all in one sitting (4 hours, 30 minutes).

Looks great! I totally love it and will post pictures asap.

But I fear that they're not: I was just informed that the parcel I sent to the office has not arrived yet. I KNOW it contains the documents they need tomorrow morning, but what do they expect me to do about it? I wasn't lying when I told them that I had sent the parcel off, no matter what they're implying. I simply don't have time to drive to the office to deliver a bloody parcel - especially when it's not exactly on the way and when I don't get paid to go there!
And no matter what they might believe: I am not responsible for the German mail delivery service. *grrr*

I feel like a total failure when it comes to my job.
And none of the applications I sent out have been successful, either.

I emailed my other employer (a company I have a contract with, but only worked for once so far) and asked if they have work for me, but to be honest, I am not sure whether I am ready to continue doing the same job for a different employer. First, I'll have to wait and see if they've got work for me at all.

I'm also going to apply for more jobs and try to see if there are any alternatives at all. Right now, I don't think I've got a choice: I have to keep this job because I cannot afford to be unemployed.

Right now, I'm trying to ignore all this by reading fanfic - Star Trek Enterprise as well as one of my oldest fandoms: Bonanza!

I finished my translation.

94 pages, all done.
YAY!

More trouble at work.
Don't know what to do or say. Maybe I should just quit.

My knee seems to have reached a new low.

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never really clicked, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my flist, so let me know with whom I'm friends!


1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

My knee is aching, and I don't know what to do. OK, I have started working out more, and I guess that that's the cause of the problem. I'm at a loss what to do: I need to do some cardio to increase my stamina because it's going to make me a better fighter, and it's going to help me stay at my current weight, but I do not know if I can force myself to continue in this way.

I've decided that cycling might be the best option for me (I can choose between stepper, rowing machine, treadmill, cross-trainer and two types of stationary bikes), because it should not stress my knee too much and doesn't bore me out of my mind since I can read while cycling. Unfortunately, after 30 minutes of cycling, I was in a lot of pain and it's not getting better. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should try the cross trainer or the treadmill to see what causes the smallest amount of pain?

Earlier on, I said I identified with Severus Snape, and today, I really do.

Usually, I tend to identify with Malcolm Reed. Or sometimes Dr. House. Mostly Reed, though.

Severus Snape.

Yesterday, I went to the office for 'the talk'. It was pretty dreadful, but I am glad I did it, because things might get better now. They didn't fire me, and I didn't quit, but we talked about my schedule, my groups and teaching in general, and they asked the 'big question': "Do you still enjoy teaching?"
Spontaneously, I wanted to say 'no', but couldn't quite do it. I said that I didn't enjoy it particularly at present, which is at least half the truth. We decided to keep my schedule as it is (around 25 hours per week), which allows me to do work for school and other employers, and does not cause me too much stress. The income isn't great that way, but if I find more work elsewhere, it'll be just fine. The boss wasn't there, and the secretaries, while sometimes totally incompetent, can be quite nice. They told me that most of my groups are really happy with me, and that they would hate to lose me, but if I no longer enjoy what I'm doing, there have to be consequences. This reduced schedule is one of these consequences. And they are not going to ask me to do crazy things any longer (like getting from A to B at warp speed), and they're going to try and improve my schedule to reduce idle time and so on. If there's a problem with a group, they said that they're going to take care of it - and they have. I've lost another student who wasn't happy with me. I knew this and tried to change things, but somehow, the student felt that I wasn't preparing my lessons (which is bullshit - I spend around 30 minutes planning every lesson I teach, with lesson plans and all that jazz) and that my approach to teaching was haphazard at best. He also said that I had told him that I wasn't trained to do this job. I protested when confronted with these statements, because while I have mentioned that theatre is my specialism, I also stressed that I am a fully qualified teacher and that I am certainly qualified to teach English.
This morning, said student did not show up, so I dragged myself out of bed at 05:45 for no reason!

So I'm giving this job another chance for now.
Until I find something new, of course.